hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
