Can i not drive my cunt home
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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