i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
