What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
