You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
