Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
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The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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