I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
