He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
