My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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