Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
