dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
