Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
