Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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