I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
