I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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