Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize