I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
