im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
