just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
