Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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