I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
