i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize