you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
