I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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