there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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