He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
