Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
