i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
