We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
