Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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