If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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