on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
