awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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