My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
