he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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