at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
