Non-Jews are for practice
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
birth control should be required to get into college
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Can I color on your dick again?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
