hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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