I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
