and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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