I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
