Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
