My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize