that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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