Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
