I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
