Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
