i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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