I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
there was a trapeze. enough said
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm gonna fight the coyote
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
