This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I pour the whiskey from now on
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
