Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
