I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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