I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i barfeds in our rink
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
