im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
