I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
