I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
false alarm. still invincible.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
