You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
