some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
