He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
