Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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