As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
