She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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