i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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