i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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