Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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